


my cool Phil love story!!1!

by Lunala



Series: Meme Series (because I'm a jerk) [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: I'm so sorry, M/M, eh whatever, idk if it counts as meme, love me pls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-02 12:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4060621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunala/pseuds/Lunala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is amazingphils biggest phan (get it?) and he finally meets him, what'll happen?<br/>(this is a joke ok I'm not serious about anything pls don't hurt me)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> lol hi sorry

hi my name is Dan and I am amazingphils biggest fan. I am very super gay and I hope phil is to because I'm in love with him don't judge me ok it will totally happen and he will love me back. I was on my way to a meet and greet called spring in the town and a lot of cool people would be there yay! I am so happy right now and I was hanging out with my friend Sarah and she is a very big fan if Phil to butt not as big as me I am the ultimate gay. I'm walking along and then I bump in to someone "I'm so sor- OMG!!!" I was on top of amazingphil ahhhhH! "OMG IM UR BIGGEST FAN MARRY ME I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I hollereded. "wow your so hot I love youre brown chocolate orbs." he told me. I was so happy and then he grabbed on to me and kissed me and I cryed because I was so happy. "hey Dan" he said "what" I said "I love you" he said

 

to be continued


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow I haven't given up omg

I gasp omG I love phil to and I must tell him right now "I love yo-NO" I scream because Phil has just been stabbed! by Sarah! "I AM YOUR REAL BIGGEST FAN MARRY ME LOVE ME NOT THE GAY TRASH" Sarah yells as Phil bleeds in front of me. "NO SARAH I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS WHY!" I start to cry "I'm jealous of you Dan how dare you get to Phil before I can? c'mon Phil let's go get married" she said and started to walk away with Phil crying in her arms. I threw up because of how nervous I was and then I fainted and I woke up in a hospital and I cryed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls don't cry


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi

I stop the crying and a doctorman comes in and I say what is wrong with me? "Dan I am very sad to tell you this but you have cancer and you will die in 2 days because it's way to late too treat it lol bye you fucking gay nerd" the doctor tells me as he skateboards his way out of the room. I cry again because this is just so sad omg. all of a sudden I hear sombody say "don't cry Dan well get thru this trust me" who is it? I am to weak and sad to look up but in the next chapter the person will probably be shown ok guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all will be revealed?¿?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do I do this

I fall asleep again and I feel a warm hand stroke my hare wow I feel so loved like a boy who's being loved I'm so luck. I wake up a bit later to some one kissing my forehead and I'm like ??? "IM SAVING MYSELF FOR PHIL YOU WHORE GET YOUR SLUTTY SELF OFFA ME!!1!" I start to yell and the doctor comes running in "Dan go to sleep I'll explain later" the doctor says and then he takes someone out with him. I miss Phil so much and I can't wait till I can see him again and hug him and kiss him and do the doodleoodle with him. I blush and wiggle around I can't think about the hanky panky! I'm so young! god loves me to much for me to sin!! I go to sleep again after praying to god and spraying myself with holy water and I hope that I can see the loml again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys I'm trash


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi

I hear a BANG BANG BANG wtf it wakes me up "um wtf what that" I say outloud to the sky. "donut worry young padawan it nothing there is no need to worry" the doctor says to me oh thank god I thought it would be bad. "Dan we have a surpriSe for you" the doctor tells me "what is it" I ask"look for yourself why don't ya" he tells me. omg he's letting me get up!!! yay! I sit up and Phil is there! "Dan bb I'm all healed now and we found a cure for yOU!" he hollers "what a bout Sarah tho¿" I stutter "she's deAD DAN WE CAN BE TOGETHER NOW!" he yells like karkat "and what's the cure mr doctor" i ask "the cute is onE NIGHT OF H O T XXX TWINK VIRGIN GAY SEX!" the doctor tells me I jump up and hi 5 everyone cause I'm getTIN LAID OHHHHH YEA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk anything about homestuck except for the fact that karkat yells so pls don't ask if I'm a fan


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently having an anxiety attack so what better way to stop hyperventilating than to write v bad smut? expect many errors I'm sorry

I suddenly see a nice bed with many soft on it for being comfy and I smile I just can't wait to lose my v card to the love of my life Philip Michael lester he is so beautiful hot damn. "Ok Dan are you ready for my large nine inch monster cock to fill up your tight TWINK assssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss" Phil askes me and I say "YASSS BITCH YASSSSSS" and Phil throes me onto the bed and our clothes dissapear like an instant has happened woW. I see his diddly-dong-dang-dinger and I gasp omg he really is big I guess white boys can satisfy huh¿ he says "babe I know alll about safe gay sex ok lemme take care of you my delicate little angel snowflake snookums" I am ready for Phil. so ready. take me. please. my inner goddess is excited I am excited that one nurse that's watching is excited w o w. "Phil Idc about safe sex all I care about is during my disease ok just stick you diddly in my doodly and let's make a dil" I scream. he starerrs at me with tears in his eyes and spits on my brown butt starfish and puts himself inside of me and omG IM SOAAAAAARING FLYYYYYYING THERES NOT A STAR IN HEAVEN THAT I CANT REACH and then we both instantly come there you go folks porn is a lie illuminati is real and tupac isn't dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what a great ending to this chapter huh wow


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who? me!

I'm laying on the bed now and Phil is next to me and I love him so much wow who wouldvvve guessed that me, a young lonely homo would ever end up dating a youtuber and sex godd wow. "okAy guys that was quite a performance Dan I have to do a cancer check to see if you've been cured" a nurse who was watching us the entire time said to me."okee dokee let's go do" I say and I start walking to the scan room place "okayyyyy mr um Howell just lay down in this here magic machine especially made for gays like you because you're too fab to be real tbh" says the doctor "although... you are sO sexy mmmmmmnmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" "wat" I sweat oh no wtf wait the doctor is taking off my clothes who is this why are they doing this helP HELP WEEEOOOOWEEEOOOWEEEOOO "WHO ARE YOU WHY MUST YOU DO THIS" I scrEam at them "it's mE Sarah!!!!!!!!!!" she yells and then she scrapes her perfectly done nails accross my face and I faint and the last thing I hear is Phil screaming my name into the void that we all go to when we die  
Phil  
why  
I love you  
goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya know I'm going straight to hell there's no doubt about it tbh


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I was born to make this mom

I wake up and I hear screAming and it sound like Phil oh no my beautyful lil munchkin why is he screaming lorD PLEAS E HELP ME!! I jUmp up and run to Phil when I open my eyes and oh my goODNESD MY POOR BABY IS BEING TORTURED BY SARAH WHAT A FUCKING BIRCH OH MU HOD IM SO ANGRY AT HER WHY ARE YOU SO EVILLLLLLLLLL!¡!!!!¡ "oH so the little fliRt has woKeN up???" Sarah screeches into the darkness that has suddenly surrounded us why no stop pls "now now Danny don't cry sweetie I won't do anything to your boyfriend :)) oh wait Phil isn't your boyfriend because he's mY HUSBAND AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" I'm crying now but I feel a warmth behind me. I turn around. it's Phil!!! I'm so happy! "Dan I'm s o sorry she maDe me marry her or else I was gonna get deported to my homeland" Phil cries into my laps "wat" I say "where are you from" "I'm from... I'm from a comic... do you know the video for take on me? you know the one that goes doo doo doo do do do do do doo doo doo doO doo doo doo do do do do doo doo doo doo doo" he whispers "yeah oh nO" I say "PHIL I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER I SWEAR TO GOD WE ARE SOULMATE WHY ARENT WE MARRIED I COULDVE MADE YOU LEGAL" "but Dan" he say "the tories have ruined not only our cheeky nandos but also HOT GAY XXX marriage in so sorry bb" "ÑOOOOO!!?!¡!"" I scream. Sarah smiles like Sarah doesn't care she lives in her world so unaware. "SARAH I HATE YOU AND NOT IN THE FANFIC WAY WHERE WED PASSIONATKEY MAKE OUT AFTERWARDS" I yeLL "are ya sure about that sweetcheeks" she winks and then she leans in to kiss me but a barrier comes? I'm so surprised "no... NO!" she starts to melt "THIS WASNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN ONLY THE GAYEST OF THE GAYS CAN MAKE SHEILDS NOOOOOOO" she dies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help me I'm trapped in a world full of heterosexuals


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAY MARRIAGE IS LEGAL IN THE US HOOOOOLLLLLYYYYYY SHIT

I start to cry oh mY GOD SARAH IS DEAD BUT HOW??????¿??? even though she totally sUCKED ASS she was my best friend for life we even had a friendship bracelet and everything how could she do this to me I loved her I don't wanted her to dead??? "Ding dong the witch is dead!" I hear Phil start to sing "phiL THIS IS N O T THE TIME JESUS CHRIST" I yeall and cry "ok Danny but whadda we now?? I'll get deported and then I won't be able to be with you fiveever" he whispppeer in my ear "I- I don't know Phil I guess we ju- OMG IS THAT MACKLEMORE!!!!!" I yELL MACKLEMORE IS HERE HE US THE TRUE SAVIOUR OF THE GAYS!! AND IS THAT LADY GAGA? AND TYLER OAKLY HOL Y S H IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS THE GAY SQUAD THEY ONLY COME TO HELP TRUE GAYS IN TROUBLE OMG!! "I... I can't believe it... but why would they come for me I'm bisexual?" Phil say "WHY HE LLO EVERYONE ITS TIME *clap* FOR ANOTHER *clap* SAVE *clap* THE GAYS! OUR SPECIAL GUESTS TODAY AREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DAN AND PHIL!! WHO WANTS TO BE IN A PHANWHICH HAHAHA JK Dan and Phil don't like phan jokes so well stop but yEAH GUYS LETS HELP Y'ALL" Tyler begins to scREam "hey there little monsters we're gonna help you two out just get on our flying pride of lions and we'll explain on the way" lady gaga says all while doing weird al things which is strange but whatever Phil anD I CAN BE GAY!! Phil is screaMINg because he loves lions "OMG DAN DO U SEE THIS THESE LIONS ARE AMAZING I LOVE ALL OF THEM OMGGGGGGGG" Phil exclaim "Jesus Phil calm yo tits" I say but I'm vERy happy hell yeah. we get on the lions but then Phil gets very serious and goes "Dan. because of a contract I signed when I first started doing draw Phil naked I am legally obligated to strip nude if I ever get to ride a lion I'm sO sorry Dan this will be very uncomfortable for you maybe" poor Phil anyways lady gaga starts to explain to us how we will be saved "so basically as we all now Macklemore is pretty much ally jesus and he was able to singlehandedly make every state in the United States of America gay so since everyone is gay gay marriage is legal and what is happening is that you to are gonna get married in the us so that Phil won't have to go to 80s comic strip land" YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Macklemore starts to sing a song for us "yo  
Dan and Phil  
Phil and Dan  
They're hella hella gay man  
oh yeah  
we're Savin the day  
we're Savin the gay  
Macklemore is awesome  
peace out yo" we all start to cr y that was beautiful and 3 seconds later we land in a marriage place and we go there to get married I'm so happy sUCK MY ASS TORIES "Dan I just wanted to say I love you very much and in two weeks we have been through a lifetime so I'm veRy happy to be getting married to you right now" Phil tells me "ditto" I say while I'm crying "wELL GUYS THAt was as good enough as vows so yeah you're married now go have fun and be gay." Obama tells us. "ok Obama" we say and Phil and I hold hands while we run into the rainbow sunset because we can now be gay forever. I love Philip Lester so much!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where them trans rights at tho  
> gimme some of dem rights

**Author's Note:**

> bye nerds


End file.
